It's a Small World After All
by PyroStriker
Summary: You'll get the title once you read Chapter 1. PG-13 because that's the way all my fics are rated. Deal with it. The author wants to make a Final Fantasy 7 movie, but can't get the original characters and is forced to cast the LoD gang. Insanity follows.
1. Behind the Scenes

Author's Note: Yes, seeing Freefall Insanity's pardoy on Princess Bride gave me an idea for a parody of my own. The reason I didn't put this on the game crossovers is because I wanted all of you to see it. Besides, the actual characters from FF7 aren't in this game, it's just the LoD gang playing the parts. So... just read it. Don't forget to review either. Please?  
  
Chapter 1: Behind the Scenes  
  
*Striker is attempting to directing a movie of Final Fantasy 7 using the characters from Legend of Dragoon. The group is on the set, where Striker is trying to get the protesting Dragoons into their costumes.*  
  
Dart: Why are we doing this again?  
  
Striker: Because I wanted to make my second favorite Final Fantasy game into a movie. Because I'm the author, and I said so.  
  
Albert: Why not make a movie out of your favorite Final Fantasy?  
  
Striker: Because Final Fantasy 6 has too many characters. Although it would be interesting to see Lavitz as Locke and Miranda as Celes, I couldn't imagine the thought of you as Edgar, Kongol as Umaro, or Meru as Gogo... *shudders*  
  
Albert: Then why not use the actual characters instead of us?  
  
Striker: Because they have contracts with Disney for a remake of It's a Small World. I can't pay them that much.  
  
Dart: This outfit sucks. *is in Cloud's purple clothing* Where the hell is my red armor?  
  
Striker: Tell you what. You'll have to lose the red armor, but you can have this. *hands him Cloud's incredibly big sword*  
  
Dart: O_O BIG SWORD! *runs off to cause carnage*  
  
Shana: *is already in her Aeris costume, and is currently braiding her hair*  
  
Striker: Well, at least she isn't complaining for once. Probably because she gets to fawn over Dart all she wants...  
  
Kongol: *getting into Barret's outfit* What this? *holds up the gun*  
  
Striker: That's your weapon, Kongol. It goes on your hand.  
  
Kongol: Oh. *puts it on his arm, and fires*  
  
Greham: ACK! *shot several times*  
  
Kongol: Oops.  
  
Striker: *waves hands* It doesn't matter. He wasn't important anyway. *hands him a fake beard*  
  
Kongol: What this? New loincloth?  
  
Striker: _ *bad images of Kongol running around dressed only in a fake beard* No. *puts fake beard on for Kongol*  
  
Rose: I refuse to wear this. *holds up Tifa's skirt*  
  
Striker: *eye twitches* Rose, I want to show you something. *holds up a picture of Zeig hanging over a vat of acid*  
  
Rose: O_O ZEIG! You wouldn't!  
  
Striker: Wanna bet? Now put the damn skirt on!  
  
Rose: *grumbles*  
  
Lavitz: *already dressed as Cid, and lighting his cigarette* Heh, heh...  
  
Rose: *slaps him* Pervert.  
  
Lavitz: *grins, rubbing his face* What? Just playing the part...  
  
Rose: *eye twitches*  
  
Meru: Yay! Kitty costume! *twirls*  
  
Striker: Shut up and get on your stuffed Mog.  
  
Meru: *sees stuffed Mog* *gasps* It's sooooo cute! *hugs it*  
  
Striker: *slaps forehead* *tries a different approach* Guess what, Meru? There's an invisible box filled with candy on top of that stuffed Mog!  
  
Meru: Really? *jumps on top of the Mog*  
  
Striker: No. *chains her there*  
  
Meru: Hey! NO FAIR!  
  
Striker: Tough luck.  
  
Albert: I can't believe you made me dye my precious ponytail!  
  
Striker: If you don't get into your costume, I'll cut your damn ponytail OFF!  
  
Albert: *gasps* *hastily puts on Vincent's cape and boots*  
  
Striker: That's better. *tosses him his gun*  
  
Albert: What the hell is this?  
  
Striker: *sighs* To think you're supposed to be the smart one. It's your weapon. Pull the trigger.  
  
Albert: Like this? *fires*  
  
Lenus: *falls over with a bloody hole in her head*  
  
Striker: Damn it, there goes Scarlett...  
  
Miranda: What the ^&$%ing #^$@ is this?  
  
Striker: That's your ninja star. You're a Materia-stealing ninja. Go with it.  
  
Miranda: *muttering obscenities under her breath*  
  
Haschel: Is this my costume? *holds up what looks like a dead animal skin*  
  
Striker: Yes. You're Red XIII.  
  
Haschel: What the hell? Why do I have to be the genetic mutant?  
  
Striker: Because you're the only one left. Unless you'd rather be Yuffie...  
  
Haschel: *grumble*  
  
Dart: *comes back from his romp with Cloud's sword* *the Train Graveyard set is now in ruins*  
  
Striker: Well, it's supposed to be like that, so I guess it could be worse.  
  
Dart: Hey, who's Sephiroth?  
  
Striker: Lloyd. Duh.  
  
Lloyd: *steps out of his dressing room in black cape and long sword* That's right! Bow to my prettiness, foolish mortals!  
  
Dart: Bah, you're only pretty because you're a clone!  
  
Lloyd: Silence, jealous un-pretty one!  
  
Dart: That's it! *tackles Lloyd*  
  
Lloyd and Dart: *start beating the crap out of each other*  
  
Striker: *watching Lloyd and Dart beat each other up, Rose making use of Beat Rush on poor Lavitz, Kongol and Albert accidentally shooting things, Haschel and Meru running around in their animal costumes, Miranda cussing out little kids who are playing extras for no reason, Greham and Lenus bleeding on the ground, and Shana still braiding her hair, oblivious to everything while humming It's a Small World After All* *sighs* Why do I have the feeling I just should have stayed in bed this morning?  
  
************************************************************************ Author's Note: There it is, folks. First chapter over. Actual shooting starts next chapter, where we see how Kongol acts, who Striker has casted as Biggs, Jessie and Wedge, and how Rose really looks in Tifa's outfit. O_o Review please! 


	2. The Shooting Begins

Author's Note: Aww, what's wrong with Cloud? Striker thinks Cloud is cool!  
  
Cloud: Lucky me. Now I've been enslaved by author magic.  
  
Striker: *thwaps* Quiet, you. Roll the disclamer.  
  
Disclamer (for all chapters): I do not own LoD or FF7, or anything else in this fic that happens to be trademark. Lawyers are evil. Keep them away.  
  
Chapter 2: The Shooting Begins  
  
Guahara: Whee, I'm the cameraman!  
  
Striker: Shut up. Roll the opening scene.  
  
*Special effect scene of an overhead view of Midgar and the train. The camera cuts to the train station, where the train is supposed to pull in. However, there is no train in sight.*  
  
Striker: Where's the train?  
  
Dart: *comes running in on foot, waving Cloud's enormous sword* Woohoo! Clobbering time!  
  
Striker: CUT! Dart, where's the train?  
  
Dart: Train? What train?  
  
*Train suddenly comes careening down the track, with many slash marks that appear to have been made by someone with a very large sword (hint hint). It topples over onto its side and explodes*  
  
Dart: Ooooooh... THAT train?  
  
Kongol: *pulls himself from the wreakage* Get Kongol's agent on phone. *falls unconscious*  
  
Striker: *sigh*  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Guahara: Scene 1, Take 2.  
  
Striker: Aaaaaand... action!  
  
*Train comes rolling into station as it is supposed to. Kongol and Dart jump out, beat up bad guys, and start running towards reactor, all going according to the script.*  
  
Kongol: *sings the Oprah song while they run* Hoo, hoo! Run on, run on, yeah! Hoo, hoo!  
  
Striker: -_- CUT! Who taught him that song?  
  
Shana: What? Kongol has some serious issues I believe he needs to address!  
  
Lavitz: *trying very hard not to burst out laughing* You watch OPRAH?  
  
Shana: *stomps foot* So? That show has given me a lot of emotional support!  
  
All minus Shana and Kongol: *rolling on floor laughing*  
  
Kongol: O_o What so funny? Kongol confused...  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Guahara: Take three...  
  
*The scene proceeds correctly. Kongol and Dart reach the reactor, meeting up with Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie.*  
  
Greham: *grumbles* How come I have to be the fat one?  
  
Striker: 'Cause you died, so Doel got first pick.  
  
Greham: What? It's not my fault that big...  
  
Kongol: *growls*  
  
Striker: I would advise you not to finish that sentence.  
  
Shana: Kongol, you're having problems with agression again. Were you even watching those tapes of Dr. Phil I gave you?  
  
Lavitz: You TAPE Dr. Phil?  
  
Shana: *life glare, 'cause she's too saintly to manage a decent death glare*  
  
Doel: *standing in Biggs' outfit, glaring at everyone*  
  
Emilie: *dressed as Jessie* This is so humiliating... I'm a PRINCESS.  
  
Striker: -_- If you do this right, I'll cast you as Lucrecia later.  
  
Emilie: But she's not in the game.  
  
Striker: We'll do a flashback or something.  
  
Emilie: Scenes with Alby!  
  
Albert: *mumbles something under his breath* _  
  
Striker: Good. Aaaaaaaand... action!  
  
*The scene proceeds as planned, until they reach the reactor*  
  
Striker: OK, Dart, in this scene, you fall to your knees and clutch your head in agony.  
  
Dart: O_o Why?  
  
Striker: Because Sephiroth is attempting to take over your mind.  
  
Dart: What? No way! I'm not letting HIM in my mind! *points at Lloyd*  
  
Lloyd: Hee, hee...  
  
Shana: *slaps him* Pervert!  
  
Lloyd: Fool! You dare defile me? I am Sephiroth, Almighty God of Prettiness! *draws Masamune*  
  
Striker: I think he's having a little too much fun with this role.  
  
Shana: Oh yeah? *takes out a summon materia* *it begins to glow, and who should appear but... DR. PHIL!*  
  
Lloyd: This is the pathetic adversary you place before ME?  
  
Dr. Phil: Sit down and shaddap, boy! *pushes Lloyd/Sephiroth over*  
  
Lloyd: You dare to challenge me? *waves Masamune around*  
  
Dr. Phil: *knocks Masamune out of Lloyd's hands and pushes him over again* Now your problem is your damn ego! You strut around with your black cape and big sword, and then wonder why people like him *indicates Dart* want to kick your sorry ass!  
  
Lloyd: *crying* It's true, it's all true! Just... don't hurt me! *cowers in fear of the over-assertive psychiatrist*  
  
Dr. Phil: Damn straight, boy! *disappears*  
  
Striker: CUT! WHO GAVE HER THAT MATERIA?  
  
Dart: *twiddling thumbs* Well, it was her birthday... and she was drunk, so...  
  
Striker: . OK, Dart, that's far enough. I get the picture.  
  
Lavitz: Awww, come on!  
  
Shana: *slaps him*  
  
Lavitz: What? What'd I do?  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*Several minutes later, Dart/Cloud and Kongol/Barret are in the battle with the Guard Scorpion.*  
  
Striker: OK, Dart, now use your Lightning materia and cast Bolt.  
  
Dart: Bolt? But I'm a Fire elemental! I don't zap, I BURN!  
  
Striker: In this game, the characters aren't elemental. Besides, if you do this right, I might be willing to give you this... *holds up roll of magnesium tape*  
  
Dart: Ooooh... big flashy burny stuff... OK! *casts Bolt on Scorpion*  
  
Striker: Good. Now, it's tail's up. Kongol, shoot it.  
  
Kongol: *shoots Scorpion, who counterattacks with its laser*  
  
Striker: All right, now your Limit Gauge is full, so use Big Shot.  
  
Kongol: *powers up gun* *gun malfunctions and explodes* *dies* X_X  
  
Striker: CUT! WHO SCREWED WITH KONGOL'S GUN!?  
  
Lavitz: *whistles innocently and hides wrench behind his back*  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*The rest of the reactor scene goes smoothly, except for the part where Cloud has to pull Jessie's foot out of the gridwork. Emilie slapped Dart so hard he was unconscious for half an hour, and upon awakening was immediately slapped by Shana and was out cold for another fifteen minutes. The gang has finally reached the scene where Cloud is escaping from the reactor and SOLDIER, and runs into Aeris for the first time*  
  
Dart: *running out of the reactor, following Kongol/Barret and the group* *runs into Aeris*  
  
Shana: Hi! Would you like to buy a flower for 1 gil?  
  
Dart: Erm, sure, whatever. *tosses her a coin*  
  
Shana: THANK YOU! *tackles Dart*  
  
Striker: CUT! Damn it, Shana, watch some of your *#&$ing Dr. Phil videos on self-control!  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*Dart/Cloud is surrounded by SOLDIERS.*  
  
Dart: *shrugs* I don't have time to waste with you...  
  
Striker: Perfect! Keep going!  
  
Dart: *pulls out a summon materia* Hell Fire! *roasts all the SOLDIERS*  
  
Striker: CUT! Who gave him Ifrit? That's not until they beat Jenova: Birth!  
  
Shana: *twiddling fingers* Well, it was his birthday, and he was drunk, so...  
  
Striker: I think I'm going to be sick...  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*By some miracle, the gang has managed to reach the 7th Heaven scene. Rose finally comes out in Tifa's slightly-less-than-decent outfit.*  
  
Dart and Lavitz: *look at each other*  
  
Rose: .- *death glare* If either of you two utter one perverted syllable, I will personally remove your manhood. Got it?  
  
Dart and Lavitz: *salute*  
  
Lavitz: *whispers to Dart* She could use some of Miranda's Midol...  
  
Dart: *snickers*  
  
Rose: *eye twitches*  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*After Striker saves Dart and Lavitz from post-puberty castration, Rose and Dart are sitting on the pillar during the flashback.*  
  
Dart: I'm leaving town.  
  
Rose: It seems like all the boys are doing that...  
  
Dart: *shakes head* I'm not like them. I'm going to join SOLDIER, to be like Sephiroth... *mutters something under his breath about stuck up silver- haired pretty boys*  
  
Striker: *praying that they may actually get through a scene without someone getting injured*  
  
Rose: Tell you what, let's make a promise.  
  
Dart: All right... *whispers something to Rose*  
  
Rose: .- *pushes Dart off column* Damn it, I TOLD you we shouldn't have let him ask me for so many drinks back in the bar!  
  
Striker: *shrugs* He's allowed to do it in the game. I thought I should indulge the man at least once, considering he's not getting paid... *looks at Dart, who is lying on the ground with his arm stuck out at a very unnatural angle* *sighs* I think that's a wrap for today, people. Take a break.  
  
All cast members, or what's left of them: *walk or drag themselves off the set*  
  
Striker: Why do I have the feeling I'm going to need some serious therapy before this is over? *opens his mini-fridge* HEY! Who stole all my Mountain Dew!  
  
Lloyd: *bouncing around the set* WHEE! CAFFINE!  
  
Striker: *sighs* *turns to Albert* Remind me to stick his cape in the shredder when we start shooting tomorrow.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Well, that's Chapter 2, everyone! In Chapter 3, we'll see the gang visit another Mako reactor, who Striker casted as the Turks, and one of the many reasons FF7 got a Teen rating, the Wall Market and Don Corneo! Joy! Don't forget to review! 


	3. Helicopters and Lighter Fluid

Author's Note: Sorry it took forever for me to update this one. I've been busy with my other fics. So yeah.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
*Everyone is back on the set, already in costume. True to the transpiring events of last chapter, Striker has stuck Lloyd's cape in a shredder. The Wingly is trying desperately to get himself free*  
  
Lloyd: *pulling on cape* No! I don't want to be shredded! I'm too pretty to die!  
  
Lavitz: Do you think he'll figure out that he can just take off his cape?  
  
Striker: I hope not. I'm filming this for future blackmail. *indicates camcorder in hand*  
  
Dart: *takes advantage of Lloyd's preoccupation to sneak up behind him and give him a wedgie* Weedog! You're riding high now, cowboy! *realizes that Lloyd is wearing Care Bear underwear* (That rhymed! Care Bear underwear! Heh.) O_O *falls over laughing*  
  
Lloyd: _ *mutters* I knew I shouldn't have worn that pair today...  
  
Striker: *laughing his head off*  
  
Lloyd: *finally realizes that his cape has been almost completely shredded* O_O I don't wanna die! Don't shred me, evil spinny thing!  
  
Albert: -_- *turns off shredder*  
  
Striker, Dart, and Lavitz: Aw, COME ON!  
  
Albert: We have no time for this. Unclasp your cape, Lloyd.  
  
Lloyd: *blink blink* I can take this off? *unclasps what's left of his cape* YAY! I am free to live the rest of my pretty life!  
  
Dart: I can't believe you did that. You are such a spoilsport.  
  
Albert: *sniff, sniff* Is something burning?  
  
Dart: *slips lighter back into pocket*  
  
Striker: All right, let's get down to business.  
  
Albert: *suddenly notices his cape is on fire... again* DART! *runs off to douse himself... again*  
  
Dart: I never get tired of that.  
  
Striker: Yeah, yeah. Let's get going.  
  
*A few minutes later, they are filming the train scene. The alarm goes off as normal, but then the train lurches and stops.*  
  
Striker: What the hell?  
  
Dart: I swear, I didn't do it this time!  
  
Lloyd: *slices a hole in the roof of the train with the Masamune* HAHAHAHA! I shall take my revenge for my poor undies! You shall all die, pathetic ugly people!  
  
Rose: I'm gonna...  
  
Dart: Let me handle this. *puts on fake look of surprise* Lloyd, LOOK! It's a GIANT MIRROR!  
  
Lloyd: O_O WHERE? Must admire myself! *whips around*  
  
Dart: *beans him on the head with Cloud's sword*  
  
Lloyd: X_x *falls over*  
  
Dart: Problem solved.  
  
Striker: *sighs* At least he's not in any scenes any time soon... OK, let's try that again.  
  
*Train scene proceeds as normal, as do all following scenes until they reach the catwalk where President Shinra is SUPPOSED (key word) to appear in his helicopter and sic the Air Buster on the trio.*  
  
Dart: *arrives at catwalk, Rose and Kongol behind* Where's the helicopter?  
  
Striker: I don't know. Doel must have missed his cue.  
  
Rose: You cast Doel as President Shinra? But he's already Biggs!  
  
Striker: Tight casting. Sue me.  
  
*Suddenly, a herd of cows comes stampeding down the walkway, and Dart, Rose, and Kongol are nearly trampled to death*  
  
Doel: *comes flying in inside the helicopter, firing the machine gun madly* Kill cows, KILL COWS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Striker: CUT! Where the hell did you find a herd of cows to chase here?  
  
Doel: KILL ALL COWS!  
  
Cow: Moo.  
  
Doel: I missed one! *blows several bloody holes in the last surviving cow* Now you're gonna be shipped off to the slaughterhouse and get turned into hamburger meat! *starts laughing maniacally*  
  
Striker: Note to self: Never, EVER give Doel a helicopter with a machine gun again. Emphasis on EVER.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*Later, during the fight with Air Buster...*  
  
Dart: *throws Air Buster off the walkway* *dusts hands off* OK, he's history, what now?  
  
Striker: -_- You have to actually FIGHT that.  
  
Dart: Why?  
  
Striker: Because in video games they always overlook extremely simple solutions that should work but don't. Besides, we need a flashy fight scene here for the movie, and the robot needs to explode so you can fall off the walkway.  
  
Dart: *sigh* Fine.  
  
*Fight with Air Buster goes as normal, robot explodes, Dart/Cloud falls off walkway and lands in Aeris's church, yatta, yatta, yatta...*  
  
Dart: *rubbing his rear end* You think you could make that landing a little softer?  
  
Shana: *walks in* *gasp* DART! *clings to his leg* ^_^  
  
Kanzas: *is in Reno's costume* I can't believe I got forced into this... *sees Shana glomped onto Dart's leg* O_o What the hell is that?  
  
Dart: Just act like she's standing next to me. *is obviously used to this by now*  
  
Kanzas: How do you know that... THING is a she? What if it's a brain- sucking parasitic alien from another dimension?  
  
Dart: To be honest, I haven't really totalled ruled out that possibility yet...  
  
Striker: I am not seeing ANY of this in the script, people!  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*In Aeris's house in Sector 5*  
  
Claire: *dressed as Elmyra* Dart?  
  
Dart: Hi, Mom.  
  
Claire: Isn't Shana supposed to be here too?  
  
Dart: *sticks out leg*  
  
Claire: Ah.  
  
Haschel: O_O CLAIRE! *heart attack* *dies*  
  
Striker: -_- *sigh*  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*In the Wall Market*  
  
Dart: No.  
  
Striker: You have to.  
  
Dart: No, I don't.  
  
Striker: Come on.  
  
Dart: I WILL NOT DRESS UP AS A WOMAN!  
  
Striker: *sigh* Tell you what, Dart, if you do this, I might have an early Christmas present for you... *holds up jug of lighter fluid*  
  
Dart: O_O Well, in that case...  
  
Rose: I cannot believe you actually managed to get him to agree to publicly humiliate himself.  
  
Striker: Lesson 1: Pyromaniacs will do ANYTHING to get any highly flammable objects they cannot obtain themselves. I know from personal experience.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Kongol: *inside bathroom in bar* Ooooooh... Kongol knew Kongol should not have eaten that...  
  
Dart: _  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*In Don Corneo's Mansion*  
  
Random Henchman Dude: Here comes the Don!  
  
Shana: *has been pried off Dart's leg and superglued to the floor* O_O  
  
Rose: That is... just... SICK.  
  
Emilie: Daddy?  
  
King Zior: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!  
  
Striker: *thwaps him* Stick to the script, Tubby!  
  
************************************************************************  
  
*In Don Corneo's bedroom*  
  
Lloyd: *suddenly bursts through the wall* Kill Dart... KILL DART!  
  
Dart: *puts on innocent face* I don't think that's what you really want, Lloyd. Wouldn't you rather dance with the Care Bears around a magical rainbow and give happy hugs to all of the bad old meanies?  
  
All minus Lloyd: *trying very hard not to crack up*  
  
Lloyd: *eye twitch*  
  
*The warm fuzzy Lloyd-taunting is cut short as the set suddenly bursts into flame*  
  
Striker: -_- Dart, may I see your bottle of lighter fluid?  
  
Dart: Eheh... why would you want to see that?  
  
Striker: Hand it over.  
  
Dart: *reluctantly hands over the bottle*  
  
Striker: *turns the bottle upside down* It's empty. OK, Dart. I'll make you a deal. I won't chase you down and beat you into the ground if you tell me how you managed to get a delayed reaction on the ignition.  
  
Dart: Oh, that's easy. I just lit a long train of matches before the scene started, leading to the set which I doused in the lighter fluid. Simple, really.  
  
Striker: O_o Brilliant. Simple AND ingenious. *writes that one down for future adventures in pyromania* OK, seeing as our set has been burned down, I guess we're done for the day. Take five.  
  
Author's Note: OK, I know that chapter wasn't as funny as the last one. Freefall, I think every humor fic now has Doel with a burning hatred of cattle. You've managed to forever imprint a character trait on Doel in humor fics. Congratulations. You must be proud. 


	4. The Death of the Disney Empire

Author's Note: Yes, I finally got around to updating this one! Fear me!  
  
Yes, I knew Elmyra was Aeris's mom, not Cloud's. I just had Claire play her, because it's twisted and insane. Sorry if that confused people.  
  
Disclamer: I don't own LoD or FF7. The former belongs to Sony, the latter to Squaresoft. Happy?  
  
Chapter 4  
  
*The LoD gang is running amok, as usual, and Striker is contemplating Dart's pyromania tactics when the doorbell rings.*  
  
Albert: Since when have movie studios had doorbells?  
  
Striker: That's enough out of you. *smacks Albert upside the head* They're here.  
  
Dart: Who?  
  
Striker: *opens door*  
  
All: *gasp*  
  
Lavitz: It's the real FF7 cast!  
  
Rose: Does this mean I can take off this damn outfit and we can leave this accursed studio?  
  
Striker: Pfft. Fat chance. These guys are here to make a movie for me.  
  
Dart: But didn't they have contracts with Disney?  
  
Striker: Yeah, but they got fired after Sephiroth totalled the place.  
  
Sephiroth: *eye twitch* Unholy happiness... kill... KILL!  
  
Lloyd: Ah! EVIL! *hides from Sephiroth* I am not a clone. I am not a clone. *repeats like a mantra*  
  
Sephiroth: Bah, you have this weakling playing me? There can be only one Sephiroth! *strikes pose*  
  
Cloud: Aw, zip it, you. *smacks Sephiroth upside the head*  
  
Sephiroth: *starts to cry* Mooooooommmy! They made fun of me! *runs of to find Jenova*  
  
Cloud: Wuss.  
  
Striker: Seriously. Everyone in the game went on about how incredibly strong he is, but then you fight him and he's extremely easy! But I thought the same thing about the Grand Jewel, and Lloyd, and *lists basically every boss in LoD*  
  
Cloud: It's a crying shame. Games just don't have decent bosses these days.  
  
Striker: Tell me about it. I mean, Dart, Rose, and Albert didn't even need to complete half their Additions for me to beat him! *points at the cowering Lloyd* He's a total pansy!  
  
Lloyd: I am not! *sucking thumb*  
  
Albert: *gets back on topic* What kind of movie are they making?  
  
Striker: A Legend of Dragoon movie.  
  
All: *stare at the deranged author/director*  
  
Striker: What?  
  
Lloyd: You idiot! Why not just put us in our own movies?  
  
Striker: *smacks Lloyd just for the hell of it* Duh! Because we've already started filming the FF7 one! People would notice if the actors suddenly changed in the middle of the movie!  
  
All: *pause*  
  
Rose: ...he actually made sense... we're stuck making this damn movie!  
  
Striker: Besides, if the real cast were in their respective places, this fic would be nothing more than a collection of bloopers, and those are outlawed by ff.net.  
  
Lloyd: I forgot. We're in one of his accursed humor fics. Anyway, getting his username disabled is just too good to be true.  
  
Striker: Lloyd?  
  
Lloyd: Yes?  
  
Striker: *holds up a picture of Sephiroth*  
  
Lloyd: *eyes go wide* *averts his face* I hate you.  
  
Striker: I know. *pushes him off a conveniently placed cliff* *revives him* *does it again* *revives him* *does it again* *revives him*  
  
Albert: There'll be plenty of time to do that during shooting. Besides, then you can make it look like an accident.  
  
Striker: *grumbles* Fine, *waves absently to FF7 cast* Your costumes are over there.  
  
Cloud: *picks up Dart's armor* Hmm... not bad... at least it's better than what I had to wear back in that hellhole... *remembers the outfit Disney made him wear and shudders* I was actually glad Sephiroth blasted that place to pieces...  
  
Striker: Why are you talking to yourself?  
  
Cloud: Because I'm used to being around morons. Even I make better conversation than they do. *picks up Dart's sword and grimaces* Am I supposed to fight with this? It's tiny.  
  
Striker: Live with it.  
  
Cloud: *does his famous shrug*  
  
(Seriously, does anyone besides me think that Cloud talks to himself more than anyone else in the game? What's up with that?)  
  
Barret: *straps on Kongol's loincloth* Oh yeah, you know I'm a sexy beast!  
  
Haschel: Fools! I am the sexy one! ME!  
  
Striker: Maybe fifty years ago, Haschel.  
  
All: *trying not to laugh while the bearded man in the skimpy loincloth and the wrinkled old geezer argue over their sex appeal*  
  
Cid: %&^$! *trying to get Lavitz's armor on* How the ^$%&ing &*$% do you *&^%ing get this $%^#ing %^&$ on?  
  
Tifa: *putting Rose's armor on* Do I have to dye my hair for this?  
  
Striker: *nods* At least you don't have to cut yours...  
  
Sephiroth: Cut my HAIR? I will bloodily disembowel each and every one of you before I let you touch my beautiful hair!  
  
Striker: *hands him the Dragon Buster*  
  
Sephiroth: *stares at giant flaming sword* Well, maybe I shall grace the lives of you pathetic mortals for a little while.  
  
Striker: I had a feeling you'd say that.  
  
Vincent: Green is SO not my color.  
  
Striker: Yes, well, you don't see Albert dressed in red and black toting pistols.  
  
Aeris: *takes out Shana's costume* You mean I have to play that wimp?  
  
Striker: Only until about half way through, and then you get to switch to the sarcastic bitch instead.  
  
Aeris: -_- Lucky me.  
  
Yuffie: A princess doesn't dress like this. *holds up Meru's dancer outfit*  
  
Striker: Does it look like I care? Now put it on or I may decide I don't like you. *pulls out his mutant fish*  
  
Yuffie: O_O  
  
Red XIII: Is this a human suit?  
  
Striker: You wore that Shinra uniform, didn't you? You'll manage. Besides, it's a lot like you are now, only not orange and a little less fuzzy.  
  
Haschel: .- I heard that!  
  
Striker: Duh.  
  
Cait Sith: What about me?  
  
Striker: You're useless. Go away.  
  
Cait Sith: *sniff*  
  
Author's Note: That's right, kiddies, two parodies for the price of one! I just couldn't resist the thought of Barret as Kongol or Cid as Lavitz... So now chapters will be made up partly of the LoD movie, and partly of the FF7 movie. I know it took me a month to update, but gimme a break. I've been busy. Okey dokey, enjoy! 


End file.
